I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

I don't combine proteins and carbohydrates.

Mum used to hide love letters from my boyfriends and put me down. Now I understand that she was a Polish immigrant forced to settle in Chicago. She was jealous of the freedom life gave me.

My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die'.

I never weigh myself, but the brutal truth of television is that they don't employ old people or fat people.

College athletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced