When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!