When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.