Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.