When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license?

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.