I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.