I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

There's no thief like a bad movie.

Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.