The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.
Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.
Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.
The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.