A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.