If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.