As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

There's no thief like a bad movie.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.