As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms.

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

Two things help to keep one's job. First, let the boss think he's having his own way. Second, let him have it.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.