When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.
If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.
A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.