Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.