Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.