President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.

We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.