Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.