Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

Nothing in the world can replace the modern swimsuit, and it practically has.

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.