Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.

Ever notice that nothing changes the color of paint like putting it on a wall?

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.