Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

I try to figure my adjusted gross income, but no matter how I figure it, it's still gross.

If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.