The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.
The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.
"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.