Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.