An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.