An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why doesn't the plane just become a boat?

Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them.

When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner.

Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.

Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

The sight of home looks best after you've traveled hundreds of miles to get away from it.