If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!

I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!