Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.

Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.