What happened? Satan was busy?

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.