Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!