I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.