There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

What happened? Satan was busy?

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.