I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.