I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.

I have lived a carnal life.