In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.

With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!'