There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"

I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

I have lived a carnal life.