I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.