I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.

Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.