It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.