It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.

I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.