Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.
Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.
Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.
Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.