If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

How wise are Thy commandments O Lord. Each one of them applies to somebody or other I know.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.