If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.