If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

You can't start at the top.

Democracy means doing whatever you want without asking permission of anybody but your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, your landlord, your bank, your city, your state and federal authorities, and your wife and children.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.