Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

Times don't change. Men do.

Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.

The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.

There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.