When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

You can't start at the top.