The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.

The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'