Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown.

Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.

I don't need a lot of space.