The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.

I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!

People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.

The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.