If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.

You can be Hitler and go to confession and say forgive me, Father, I killed six million Jews, and the priest would just be like no problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler goes to heaven.

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.

I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.