When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

Scientology is weird because it's new.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"

I was paralyzed with fear. It was unbearable to be among other kids who were just standing around being fine. It was one of the many inconveniences of this paradox I lived with -the more people I was surrounded by, the more frighteningly alone I felt.