When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.

I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.

If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out with comic friends - or bringing a basic idea on stage and seeing if it goes anywhere.

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.