I had a lot of depression as a kid.

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.

I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.