Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of "offensive." Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.

Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.