And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.

I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!