I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of "offensive." Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?

One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.