I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.