Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

I don't really like saying "the gays"... I'm not sure why. I suppose I say "the Jews." but I don't say "the blacks." I guess because I'm a Jew for all intents and purposes and to group people together of which I am not one in such a casual way feels disrespectful.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.