Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.

People say, like, "I love when you smile because part of your mouth goes up," then I never organically smile again.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.