I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

I'd rather have a girl exposed to me than 25 women in prom dresses vying for a stranger.

I think I've been called edgy - but in all honestly, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.

Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.