[I'm] almost positive there is no God.

Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.

That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.

I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very dark place. It’s not romantic. Not even a little.

I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.

By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live.